


False Confidence

by FullMetamorphosis



Series: The Empire's Weapon [3]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, F/F, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 09:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14054061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullMetamorphosis/pseuds/FullMetamorphosis
Summary: The Alliance cannot work without allies of its own. Eden takes the risk and invites Darth Vowrawn to Odessan - both an old friend and the secret keeper to their lost memories.





	1. Chapter 1

“Commander, an Imperial vessel’s entered Odessan’s orbit.”

“That’ll be Vowrawn,” I say as I march across the War Room to our intercoms. Torian and Lana both look up from their work as I make my way; well-aware as they are, neither of them nor I know what to expect. At the very least, I’m unsure what he plans for this meeting, or what his darker intents might be.

Still, Vowrawn had readily agreed when I’d first contacted his agents. Not to my face, of course, he was still uneasily  _careful_ , but even his contact seemed surprised at the vigor he had to convey. How Darth Vowrawn would be  _delighted_  to meet with me again, how he’d  _missed_  my company, how  _eager_  he was to see Odessan in person. Not that I doubted he’d gotten a feel for the land as it was. His agents were truly everywhere, even if our scanners didn’t always see them.

Torian and Lana join me at the intercoms as I send out a message for his vessel. The comm’s picked up immediately by a Ratattaki agent; his voice is cold, but even. “We’re the entourage for Darth Vowrawn, requesting landing.”

“Request granted. You’re advised to use the smaller docking station near the west end of the base for convenience - less attention that way,” I keep my voice and gaze even. “Vowrawn will be permitted a small guard, but I  _will_  have people guarding his ship. Anybody who leaves will be given an escort for the sake of security.”

“We understand. We’ll be landing shortly.”

The comm’s cut out, and I gesture Lana and Torian to follow me as I start walking towards the flight wing. My pauldrons weigh heavy on my shoulders, and my cape sways behind me. I’d opted for my heavier gear for this meeting, but I’m sorely regretting it. I’m still tired from the day before, and my body isn’t in the best of shape given the fight.

“Never met Vowrawn before,” Torian says behind me. Lana responds quickly and crisply.

“I have. He’s a man of opulence, but don’t take that for ignorance. He has his spies everywhere.”

“And we’ve returned more than one to him in the past. I want to say he’s harmless, but he’s  _smart_ , is what he is,” I add without turning or stalling my steps. “I’ve done missions for him before, mostly security jobs. We were close allies before my disappearance, at least, but it has been seven or eight years.”

“I thought you liked him?” Torian asked. I shrugged.

“Just because we’re allies,” I answer as we ascend the steps to the elevator, “Doesn’t mean we always hit it off.”

“I last saw him when I was searching for you,” Lana admits as she presses the button for the elevator and waits at my side. “He had been rather helpful. Almost  _too_  helpful.”

“He has eyes everywhere. At least we won’t have to give him a map of the place.”

We take the elevator down in relative silence, besides shifting feet and armor. Lana and Torian had suited up about as much as I had, and Torian even seems to reach for his rifle more than once. I’m tempted to tell him  _relax, no need for firepower_ , but it wouldn’t be the truth. The truth was, if Vowrawn was going to do something, our first line of defense would be the Force, not blasters. Torian wouldn’t be quite as helpful - though I’m still tempted to run a midochlorian test on him, just for kicks.

The elevator doors open. I lead the way out, down the narrow bridge to the dock. Vowrawn’s ship has already landed, already opened its hatch.

It’s not a second too soon before I see Vowrawn descending the ramp, followed by two guard flanking each side. He stops feet outside of his ship, meeting and carefully watching my eyes as I pin him down and approach.

“Darth Vowrawn,” I say as I stop and clasp my hands behind my back. “It’s been a long time since we’ve met in-person. Welcome to Odessan.”

He’s silent, head tilted. I try to ignore it as I tilt my own head back to Lana and Torian.

“These are my advisers as of current. Lana Beniko, my full-time adviser of science and matters of the Force, and Torian Cadera, my temporary adviser in regards to battle and spy matters with the absence of Theron Shan. Lana says she’s met you before.”

“Indeed,” Lana bows her head.

Still, Vowrawn lifts a hand to his chin, and props his other hand under his elbow, as if he was …  _evaluating me_.

It’s starting to get a little creepy. I take a deep breath and shift on my feet.

“… well?” I prompt, brows drawing without my help. “Was there anyone of significance you brought along with you, or-”

I hear a  _snap_  just behind my neck-

-and I jump as my hair suddenly tumbles out of his band and- and  _falls around my shoulders and neck freely_.

Vowrawn tsks and grins, finally nodding and speaking. “So formal with such an old friend,” he chastises. “The suit I respect, but wrapping your hair up? Even in a low bun? You act as if we haven’t been personal before, dear Eden.”

… he’d pulled my hair down with a trick of the Force. Because  _I_  was looking too  _formal_.

I pull in a deep breath. And smile. And keep my voice  _very, very even_.

“… Vowrawn, if this weren’t a matter of great importance, I would plant you six feet under myself.”

This seems to unsettle his guards, but Vowrawn just  _laughs_. He closes the distance between us and slaps my shoulder, giving me a hearty shake. “ _That_  is the Eden I’ve grown to adore! Ah, Lord Eden, you’ve joined ranks with us atop the ladder. It’s made you ever so stiff.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to still be so  _lax_ ,” I say simple. I really do want to smack the shit out of him for that trick, because  _nobody touches my damn hair_ , but I expect if I tried, even if he didn’t get the guards to help, I’d be the one in a grave. Either way- “I’m Commander of the Eternal Alliance, Vowrawn. I have to be official. And I know you too well to put my guard down.”

“Seems a touch too late for that,” he hums. He looks first to Torian, and then to Lana. “I do seem to recognize you, my dear,” he says. “Rishi? Or was it Yavin?”

“Both,” Lana says with a nod. “I’m touched you remember, Darth Vowrawn.”

“And Torian Cadera, was it?” he asks with another turn of the head. “I do seem to remember your name. Your father would happen to be-”

“Jicoln Cadera,” he says rather shortly himself. I can sense Torian’s suspicion like a gnat on my shoulder. Still, he does hold out his hand for a shake. “Leader of Clan Cadera now.”

“I thought I recognized the name! A pleasure,” Vowrawn rings out with a hand stretched out to shake his. “You must be in very good hands. I’m sure Eden is nothing but a capable leader.”

“I’m not sure what he expects us to say, we’re  _advisors_ ,” Lana mutters under her breath. I choke on a laugh. Seems she has as much composure around him as I do.

“It must’ve been a long trip,” I continue regardless. Vowrawn turns to me with eyes  _still_  laughing.  _Oh, pfaaskin’ hell_. “We’ve made room in our cantina for our discussion, though I should note, we do have ex-Republic soldiers who may hold resentment still. Your guard may want to keep watch - although I’m not sure your safety would be at all compromised.”

He holds his hands to his chest, as if aghast. “You’d risk my safety and the safety of my men?”

“Yeah, because  _that’s_  your concern. You just want some Corellian cheese to go with that whine you’ve brought.”

He bursts out into laughter, though I can sense astonishment from  _everyone_. Strange as it was, he  _did_  remind me of old times. Times taken at his side, or in his court, acting as unusual security for a man already eccentric beyond belief. It reminds me of being younger, nearly a decade so. I definitely had less of a filter then - and a sharper tongue to boot.

It doesn’t help the anxiety at the back of my mind, but it does let me remember.  _He’s still the man I made allies with. Even if it’s been so long_.

“The cantina, then,” he says, rubbing his hands together. “Oh, I’m sure we’ll have simply a  _delightful_  time.”

“Then I won’t leave you waiting,” I say, and start pulling him and his group towards the heart of our base.


	2. Chapter 2

“Ah, your beloved cantina! I’ve always heard stories of it - legends, almost. Oh, how I’ve longed to-”

“You’ve seen screenshots of it before, Vowrawn. I caught a spy in here several months ago. You know I did, because I sent him back with a note stapled to his chest.”

“I have an  _image_  to maintain, Lord Eden. Don’t make me seem so nasty as that.”

“You  _are_  as nasty as that. And it’s  _Commander Eden_.”

We’re settling in a small alcove in the cantina, away from the curious eyes of my Alliance. Vowrawn’s guards stand at the entrance looking out; even Torian sits facing the opening, resting his blaster on his lap. Lana stands behind my seat across from Vowrawn, though I want to tug her over and make her  _sit_ , dammit. I can sense the anxiety eating at her, trying to make her its meal. But I can’t make demands of her, and I can’t force her to rest. Much as I love her, she’s going to be the death of me.

“Ah, yes, well - I do get curious about your happenings. And after such a long absence from the galaxy, well, surely you wouldn’t doubt my explorations. I know most cantinas front to back, Republic or Empire.”

“We’re neither. We made that clear back on Iokath,” I put plainly. I lean forward with elbows on my knees. “But this isn’t  _about_  our galactic governings. This is about-”

“Oh! Not yet, not yet!” he claps his hands and gestures to his guards. “I brought gifts, of course, to thank you for your  _hosting_.”

I start and nearly stand up. “Wait- you don’t need to-”

“I insist!” he says, and a guard steps forward carrying a large storage box I hadn’t seen before. My cheeks flush, and I put a hand up to pinch my nose. Oh,  _lords_. This was going to be embarrassing.

“I think you’ll find the contents to your liking,” Vowrawn chuckles as the guard opens the box for us. “A series of cybernetic components for your use, some aedegan crystals from the deepest caves on Ilum, and of course some  _regal_  dresses for you and yours-”

“ _I don’t need dresses_ ,” I gasp out, “And what- what the  _hell_  are you saying, me and mine?”

“Oh, you know I’ve got eyes and ears everywhere. The whole galaxy knows about you and your Beniko anyway,” he drawls, gesturing to her in turn. I can feel Lana tense up through our connection.

“I’m not here to play  _consort_ -”

“Nobody here is!” I squeak out. “Vowrawn, there’s one thing to be gracious to a host, but this is too mu-”

“Is that beskar in there?”

I send a glare in Torian’s direction. Much as I respect him in the majority of cases, he is  _not helping_.

“Why, that it is!” Vowrawn gives mock applause to Torian’s perception. “Only the best, fine-tuned by your Mandalorians. Lightweight, of course, and completely non-inhibiting, though I’m sure you don’t need it for, say, the limbs and-”

“Yeah, yeah.  _The beskar for bones_. Thanks for the reminder.”

“Reminders, indeed! The armors is yours to keep,  _and_  I went to the liberty of redesigning some of your old outfits! Of course, from your times assisting me as guard in those canti-”

“NOBODY HERE IS BRINGING UP MY WORK AS A STRIPPER, NOT EVEN YOU. No, no, fucking- don’t  _give_  me that look- you’re not even supposed to be listening, soldier! Stand down!” I flap my hand at the guards who look over, and try to master the blush on my face. Of  _course_. No doubt fucking  _Vowrawn_  would do his best to dig up every grave he could. Not that those undercover missions were a  _secret_ , but dammit, that skeleton didn’t need to be dressed up and danced out of the closet.

Lana, at least, seems to have the common sense to  _do_  something. “We appreciate your gifts,” she says sharply to Vowrawn, “But for the time being, we’re more concerned with  _other_  matters.”

“Indeed! Matters such as our rogue agent, and of your  _own_  aspirations,” I slap my lap and look back to Vowrawn, who finally -  _finally_  - seems to be settling down in his mischief. “We’ve gotten a fair amount of information since I last asked for your cooperation. And it’s been a very long time since we were partnered. I was hoping we could speak of  _that_.”

Finally. Vowrawn’s tricky, at times, but at least now he’s looking serious. He’s matching me for pose, leaning forward with arms braced on his lap. This,  _this_ , is the Vowrawn I’ve needed to speak with. Not the loosey-goosey Darth Dandy who was more interested in parading around in jewels and silks. The Darth Vowrawn who was a  _mastermind_.

At last, we could get somewhere.

“What have you heard then, Commander Eden?”

I inhale deeply before I start.

“Theron Shan has defected to the Order of Zildrog. I don’t know for what purpose, if he’s perhaps acting as double agent, but either way that is the group he’s puppeting allegiance with. I sincerely doubt he has real missive with them; whatever he’s doing, it’s for his gain, not theirs. He’s never been into cults that I’ve seen.”

“You know him well, then.”

“He aided my escape and helped put Vitiate to rest in the past. You’d remember him as the spy born of Satele Shan. He was also on Rishi and Yavin.”

“The boy with the red jacket and the haircut? I do,” he nods knowingly. “He was with SIS, if I do recall.”

“Outcasted at the time, yes. He is no longer affiliated with them. Quit during the time I was in carbonite.”

“Or so you were told.”

“You have other sources saying otherwise?”

“No; but I never cross off past alliances so quickly,” he answers as he settles back with arms folded across his chest. One of the bartenders slips between the guards and places a bottle of fine wine, and a set of glasses, on the table. I give her a careful nod as she leaves, and Vowrawn sits forward again to uncork the bottle.

“Our records,” Lana interjects as Vowrawn starts pouring glasses, “Say he cut all ties with them several years past. We had records taken several months ago when he first acted to harm the Commander.”

“This report didn’t tell you he was falsely aligned, then?”

She doesn’t answer. I do. “I was the only one who saw the reports. Somehow, that information happened to simply slip by. However, I’m not surprised by that. Theron is a very good spy. Still, I doubt he stayed connected to the SIS.”

“Men often act in secretive ways,” Vowrawn says, “Without notice or care.” He hands a glass to me first, one I take and idly hold in between my fingers. Lana steps around my chair to take her own offered glass, and that finally allows me to grab the back of her shirt and pull her down to sit on the arm of my chair. Torian holds a hand up and politely declines; I’ve only seen him drink at the craziest of parties, or on Life Day. Still, Vowrawn doesn’t seem perturbed, and simply sips at his own glass.

“Very nice wine,” he muses quietly. “Balmorran?”

“Odessan. Somebody had the thought to start a vineyard almost before any farmland. Makes for a good red, and not too dry.”

“Your people have good tastes in wines, then.”

“They have good taste in morals, too, but it didn’t take much to convince them that the galaxy’s problems were beyond the scope of the Republic or the Empire.”

“I’ve been having similar thoughts as of late,” he admits as he leans back again with the glass to his lips. “A man tires of games.  _And_  of waiting patiently for an open seat.”

“I can make no promises about the seat Acina resides on; while our alliance was cut short with Iokath, I’m uninterested in  _coups d’etats_. However, you hold a rather impressive base of power, Vowrawn. If you sought Acina …  _vanish_ , then the Alliance isn’t going to intervene. It’s none of our business,  _and you shouldn’t make it_ ,” I emphasize when he opens his mouth to speak. He seems to get the memo, and simply nods. I can sense Lana tensing up, and can see Torian frown. Much as I don’t want to see a revolution across the Empire either, it’s a point I have to concede, if we want his help.

Vowrawn’s still nodding. Quiet. He finally opens his mouth, closes it, and then speaks. “What, then,” he asks, “Do you need from me?”

I purse my lips, and hold tighter to my glass of wine.

“First,” I answer, “We can talk about Nathema.”


	3. Chapter 3

“So then you want my aid in securing Nathema before the Order of Zildrog can infiltrate.  _And_  you want my assistance in keeping the galaxy on lockdown.”

“I want an alliance between you and I, aside from the Empire or the Republic,” I answer as I place my empty goblet on the table. “You said it yourself - inaction is boring. And there are problems the Republic nor the Empire can handle alone. Isn’t it time to change the galaxy for the better? Ignore the cycle of conquest?”

“‘Conquest’ is a word Sith are born with.”

“Perhaps. But it’s one I’ve chosen to discard. Maybe it’s one you’re ready to get rid of, too.”

“You make plenty of assumptions, Commander.”

“I’m not afraid to do so.”

The talk has lasted for hours, and the cantina is filling with early-evening drinkers. We’ve garnered some attention from some of the workers, especially Republican, but thankfully most of the curiosity has remained away from our voices. Besides a single instance Torian had to stand to shoo away some overambitious Jedi, we haven’t had a problem. At least, not that I’ve seen.

And Vowrawn’s been more than fair. Listened to our problems, and introduced some of his own. I’m trying to ignore the good feeling, mostly because the anxiety is still too much for me to rely on anything else.

“It’s clear you’ve got some ideas of your own,” I continue, “That you cannot accomplish alone. And outside of seizing a throne, I’m willing to put men towards those efforts. Not necessarily for the good of one, of course - you have that well under control - but for the good of many. That’s what the Alliance has been built on: operating as the galaxy’s aid, not as an extension to any group.”

“Those are very loose terms,” Vowrawn replies, also ignoring his half-full glass on the table. “You want me to assemble a team to help you secure Nathema and potentially catch a whole cultist organization. I can do that - but it asks quite a deal. And you aren’t offering any specifics as to your aid, either.”

“But you know how powerful the Alliance is. You know that we’ve defeated Zakuulan emperors not once, but twice. You know we have members who are renowned warriors, slicers, and more. And,” I narrow my eyes at him, “You know that  _I_  lead them. Forget whatever time may have passed, whatever it was like when I was still young, you know that I’ve been built first and foremost as a weapon - a weapon with self-control, now. I’m far more valuable an ally now than you’ll find elsewhere in the Empire, and you know we’ve trusted each other farther than we’ve trusted others. You know I trusted you as much as I trusted Marr - and Marr was my own master.”

“You did, indeed, learn from one of the best men I knew.”

“And I’m not about to disgrace his memory anytime soon.”

He sits back in thought. I lean back in my chair as well, more to give him time to think rather than anything else. I reach out with my mind, to feel the air of the cantina. There’s a lot of questions floating in the room. Some of them will get answered in time, others of them soon as I can help, but the resentment … the resentment is troubling. I’ll have to attend to that sooner rather than later, but for now is securing an alliance. It’s more important we get all the help we can on Nathema. Especially if we’re going to get Theron back.

And more than that, we need this. Vowrawn  _knows_  that. We need each other if we both want to make the changes we desire. If we’re going to fix the galaxy and its problems.

Alone we stand as two pawns. But combined …

“You really have grown, Eden.”

I start, snapped out of my thoughts. I look him in the eyes, and for a moment, I think I sense an … openness within them. Maybe it’s because I had brought up Marr, or maybe it’s something else - but the moment I blink, it disappears. He leans back and claps his hand, and finally offers one for me across the table.

“Very well, Eden. An alliance. We’ll have to get the paperwork drafted shortly, but in the informal way, I accept.”

My jaw could’ve dropped to the floor. My eyes must be wide with surprise, or else I must’ve stilled, because there’s a pat on my shoulder, a quiet “ _hell yeah”_  in appreciation, and I finally muster the strength to reach out and shake his hand. He still has a firm shake. I’m still nearly gaping as he stands and claps his hands.

“Then it’s settled! For now, then, I hope this means that we might take the rest of the night to aquaint ourselves once more! Might, then, I call my crew to rest in your base? As you might understand, such a long trip from Dromund Kaas here-”

“Yes … yes, of course,” I nod and stand with him, this time folding my hands in front of myself with a nod. I look to Lana. “Lana will arrange to have your men escorted to the cantina, and later to rooming for the night. Naturally, we still can’t guarantee full roaming of our base, for security reasons, but we will gladly offer our hospitality after your journey. We’ll offer the best of Odessan.”

“Excellent, excellent! You are a true host, Commander Eden.”

“Perhaps in the meantime,” I add, glancing to Torian and then back to Vowrawn, “I could give you a more … formal tour of our base? The architecture here is truly phenomenal - I’m sure you’ve developed a soft spot for it. And our sunset is divine.”

“Absolutely! I do enjoy the splendid nature of other words! I shall send my guards to relax,” he says, looking as his guards visibly loosen up and sigh with relief, “And we shall have a good old time of it, no? Shall I arrange to have your gifts settled in your rooms? Or shall I-?”

“The war room, for now. Lana should be passing it by as she collects your men,” I say. Lana’s giving me an odd glance as I say so.  _Please_ , I think to her,  _play along_. She suspicious, I can sense it, but she holds it for now. I’m relieved.

“Then I follow your lead,” Vowrawn approves as Lana steps away and leads the guards to the heart of the cantina. And as I lead Vowrawn himself out and into the base with Torian at my side, I steel myself and quietly close the connection between Lana and I.

If my Alliance’s issues are met, then it’s time to approach my own.


	4. Chapter 4

The Odessan sunset really is beautiful. I’m lucky it looks so good today, and especially from the base. I’d led Vowrawn to one of the glass viewing domes where we could watch it; no machinery, no equipment, just a railing just a foot back from the glass so we could lean in and watch the sky bleed into oranges and reds. Vowrawn and I face out from the base and watch the sun sink behind the trees. Torian, bless him, stands back, and keeps guard.

My heart’s really hammering. It feels like there’s a knot in my throat, or tension speeding up my back. I try to push those feelings to the back of my mind, but they remain.

I’ll just have to speak past it.

“It really has been a long time,” Vowrawn says out of the blue as the sun dips behind the pines. “You’ve developed some confidence, Commander Eden. You wear it well.”

“I have to. This is my Alliance. I’m the one who has to lead - even if there are days where I wish I didn’t have to. Maybe you’ve felt the same?”

“I was born into this, born into greatness. I’ve never shied away.”

“Right. Not a surprise,” I finally sigh, openly, and speak my mind. “You know I didn’t bring you out here four a tourist’s look, right? You understand - there were things I couldn’t bring up in that meeting.  _Personal things_.”

He nods from the corner of my eye. “I suspected as much. Ever demanding answers.” I stand a little taller, and grip the guard rail as tight as I can between my hands.

“Vowrawn, I killed Vitiate. You know that.”

He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t need to. The word’s are simply out there, open, and now  _he_  knows that I’m aware. He knows I’ve woken up, somehow.

“You know Marr and I jumped into Wild Space to find the last remnants of Vitiate. Valkorion was his last hold, and when I struck him down, he died and became a ghost in my head. I expelled him just a few months ago - but not before showing me his last moments as Vitiate.”

He’s quiet for another moment. I give him the time to speak, and he finally takes it - but not without a sigh that sounds, almost, remorseful.

“I did insist that you would remember eventually.”

 _Then we’re on the same page - and he’s confirming my suspicions_. “I don’t remember, is the thing. But I’m smart enough to piece together things. Valkorion I never trusted - but Marr, I do, and he confirmed my thoughts last I spoke with him. Wouldn’t tell me anything, of course, but it was enough to know that he knew.” I lean forward again with elbows braced on the railing. “The murder of the Emperor is a pretty big thing to hide - even from your own people. And it’s even harder to hide it from the killer themselves - which means the Dark Council was involved, and that includes you and Marr. And from there …” I shrug and raise a hand to gesture. “You wiped my memory? Or changed it? That’s a power somebody among the Dark Council would have. And you did it either for my protection, or the Empire’s, or something else. Either way, there’s a big difference between ‘a group of Jedi’ and ‘our pfaasking weapon’ killing the Emperor. And you knew that.”

“You’ve pieced together quite the story. And yet, you haven’t shared this with your beau?” he asks. He clarifies, rather quickly, “I would’ve thought  _she’d_  be the one following us for such a private meeting, not your Mandalorion.”

“He’s not  _my_  anything. My best friend, perhaps. But Lana - Lana doesn’t need to know. I’m sure you could feel the waves of her anxiety regardless. I don’t need to trouble her with this.”

“You’ve put distance between yourself and her. An odd entanglement in your coupling.”

“You’re trying to change the subject, Vowrawn. This isn’t about my Alliance or yours or our agreement. This is me, Eden Carter, asking  _you_ , Vowrawn. Not a Commander and a Darth. Old allies,” I say. I shut my eyes, and speak through a sudden well of tears rising in my nose. “ _I have to know_. I … why didn’t I  _know_? And why did you, and the Council, hide this from me?”

He doesn’t answer. I don’t expect him to answer so quickly, but I need him to say something,  _anything_. I feel like I’m about to start drowning. My head’s hurting, my heart won’t stop thudding, and my hand is beginning to shake. It’s been so long since I had to deal with this alone; before, Valkorion had kept a hold on all of it, had managed to suffocate the worst of my anxiety. But now it’s  _back_ , and I haven’t had to deal with it for years. I breathe in through my nose, forcing myself to try and stay calm. I feel a hand on my shoulder, a familiar weight, and I try to focus on it. Try to relax.

He finally rasps out his answer.

“I … have never seen such a thing in my  _life_. And neither had Marr.”

I turn to look at him, sharply. He hasn’t lifted his face. He’s looking down now, through the glass floor to the forest below. For once, I think he looks - melancholy?  _Scared_?

“We hadn’t anticipated it. Not he, nor I, nor do I think the Emperor. You simply surprised us all - truly a weapon, in that moment, the  _Empire’s Weapon_. But in that throne room, you slipped into something else. Something like … like a gorgeous, Force-damned  _monster_. And Marr and I knew it couldn’t continue. So we wiped your mind - and we became your handlers.”

“Handlers?” I ask, shocked. Then, it hit me. I step away from him. “You … didn’t just ask me to do missions for you out of curiosity. You were- were  _watching_  me.”

“We couldn’t allow it to happen again.”

“Allow  _what_? What did I do that caused an Emperor’s demise?”

“Eden, the Force is more than the Light and the Dark. It is a  _void_ ,” he spits out, and he finally looks up to me, and I’m frightened by the emotion in his eyes. Anger. Frustration.  _Fear_. “What Marr and I saw that day, I hope I never have to witness again. Do you understand? Even Dark Masters delve into the darkness of the Force’s void, but you stepped past that, do you understand? Our manipulations made you step  _deeper_. And that is something we could not allow,” he relaxes, and looks back to the sunset, and his voice goes softer again, less intense than whatever the hell I’d just heard. “It’s your implants that have held you back for so long - or so I hope. That, and the guidance of Marr. He told me he has felt the void at that level, or so he claimed. It is what made him  _strong_. And it was what allowed us to keep a leash on you.”

“A  _leash_?” I asked. He doesn’t respond. I put a hand under my eyes, to my implant. “Then- what do you mean, my implants? I’ve never-  _there’s never been suppressors in my implants_. Are you telling me there’s something else in them?”

“Not suppressors. But they do the things that a Force-user could use intuitively. Except, the implants compensate so you never  _have_  to sink deeper. They keep you on the surface of the waves. They keep you from having to search the void.”

“But yet I still- I still  _weaponize_.”

“Just. Just enough that you were powerful enough for our intents. Just powerful enough that we could  _control you_.”

I’m speechless. I can’t even  _think_  of what to respond with. My mind’s almost empty with the shock.

_Does he mean …_

_They couldn’t control me._

_They couldn’t control me, and I can’t even remember_ why.

I realize, with a start, that the hand hadn’t left my shoulder, even though I’ve stepped well away from Vowrawn. The other hand joins it, and pulling me to his side is Torian. He finally speaks.

“Eden became something you couldn’t control. So you wiped their memory of the incident, made up the Jedi conspiracy, and gave them tools that would keep them from having to become uncontrollable again.”

Vowrawn looks to Torian, now, and nods. “You’re smart, for a Mandalorian.”

“Mandalorians aren’t dumb.”

“I can see that.”

“How many others know.”

“The remainder of the Dark Council, or those who were a part of the Dark Council at the time of Vitiate’s defeat.”

“So who’s left?”

“Darth Mortis. The others have been usurped and killed, or else have fallen victim to old age.Even Mortis, now, lies on his death bed.”

So that was it. Vowrawn’s the last person who can tell me what happened to Vitiate. He’s the last person who knows what happened in that room, aside from Marr - and I know, at the very root of my skull, that he’s never going to tell me what happened. He will  _never_  tell me what became of me, or what I did. Not until I remembered for myself, or unless …

Unless I tore the information from his throat.

It hits me like a wild bantha, and I lower my face and shut my eyes as tears bud.

I can’t demand anything more from him. I’d have to torture him. And now, for the sake our Alliance, he’s our ally. Untouchable.

 _Checkmate_.

“I’m sorry, Eden.”

I grit my teeth. “Forget it. You’ve won, Vowrawn. Now I understand why you were so eager to make an alliance with us after all. Because you knew if I had anything figured out, I’d be unable to touch you.”

“It’s far more than that, Eden. You truly are a beneficiary, and I stand by what you’ve done. You’re confident now, more than ever before. And you radiate strength. But this is one thing I must take to my grave.”

“And don’t you see that this confidence is a lie? Don’t you understand how much I’ve put aside just to hold this together?” I shrug Torian off and put a hand to my eyes. “Vowrawn, I know you won’t answer anything more, but at least tell me this:  _am I safe with myself_? Can my Alliance even  _trust_  me?”

Nothing. Then: “Yes. You are safe, and well in control, from what I’ve seen today. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t hesitate to pull you from your seat of power myself.”

I look up at him and glare. “You would’ve done it over my  _cold, dead body_.”

“I am well aware,” he says with a nod. He reaches out and finally rests both hands on my shoulders. “Understand this, Eden: you are  _powerful_. The Empire forged you into a weapon, and that did not end with the death of Vitiate. You are in control, now, and well above where you began. And only  _you_  know where to go from here. Not just as a weapon. But as a leader.”

I shake my head, and look away. “I wish I could believe that.”

For the first time ever, he truly manages to shock me. He pulls me forward, and my whole body tightens as he sudden wraps his arms around me and-  _hugs me_.

“Marr and I never ceased to put faith in you, Lord Eden. That was not blind faith - and you’ll understand in due time. Simply continue to remain. You will see.”


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the night passed without incident, at least. Vowrawn didn’t repeat anything to Lana, Torian didn’t pull me aside to talk, and - for as irrational a fear as I know it to be - I didn’t just snap and drop to the floor dead, though it sure felt like I could’ve. To be honest, it was a rather simple evening. Vowrawn’s crew relaxed in the cantina. They were led to private rooms to rest. Lana went to bed only when I convinced her to rest, if only to humor my worries.

And then when she fell asleep, I got up and walked out of the base, back to the glass orb where Vowrawn had spoken.

I should’ve been able to rest easy, I think to myself as I look up at the Odessan night sky. It should be easy to relax, knowing that Vowrawn will be there, helping to secure Nathema before Theron and his crew can get away. And it should be a reassurance that he believes I won’t become some kind of monster again.

But it isn’t.

 _I don’t even know the truth_ , I think bitterly as I look down to the forest hiding beneath my feet. I only have his word to go by, I know, and under most circumstances I’d trust the man who’d given me something of a life back. But I  _can’t_. Something feels wrong the more I think about it. Like: why did he wait so long to tell me? Why did he and Marr feel the need to take their secrets to the grave? Why not take full advantage of whatever I’d become, like most Sith would?

… how did they not kill me outright when it was clear I’d become something too horrifying for even them?

There have to be answers, but I can’t think of them. Not like this.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath of the clear air within the dome. My mind flies back to Nathema. The anxiety Lana exuded, it was clear Nathema was the cause. The thought of going back there, when she’d been so afraid the last time.  _And this time_ , I think to myself,  _we don’t have Valkorion to block the effects of that particular void. There’s just us._

There was only one thing I could be fortunate for in Vowrawn’s words. That I could sink into the Force. That I was  _stronger_  with it.

I sit down in the centre of the globe, legs crossed. I place my hands in my lap, and shut my eyes. Even if I rarely meditate, I take the pose anyway. I pretend that’s my only intent.

I reach out and feel the Force course into my body and out. I plug its exit. I feel it pause at the exit of my body, and slowly,  _slowly_ , being to coil down into my torso, and settle in my reserves.

I will my mind to lie dormant, and I gather the Force within my bones.


End file.
